It doesn't matter how I change it at this point, my query for The Taste of Magic still reads like one of the fake plots over at Evil Editor. Its suckiness is compounded by the fact that I left my writing notebook at work this afternoon, so below is the typed-from-memory updated version of the query. Please tell me what the hell I can do to make it less sucky. I'm trying to downplay the vampires, without much luck since the whole plot revolves around them.
Analefa Miradwen has spent the last ten years avoiding vampires and the Carafell city guard. She's not happy to learn she's attracted the attention of both, though, when a vampire mage named Magnus tries to abduct her. Magnus wants Ana's blood for its rare magic-enhancing properties, while the king's enforcer, Vincent Ondarr, wants to lock Ana in the Tower of Justice for her own protection.
Since Ana can't abide enclosed spaces--like jail cells--she takes refuge with her troll friend Ash. She figures no one will look for her in the troll section of Carafell, leaving her free to investigate the strange dormant spell in a friend's new tattoo. But when she meets Rafael, leader of a group of half-breed mages who all have the same tattoo, Ana realizes there's more going on in her city than even Vincent knows.
If Ana wants a normal life again, she's going to have to deal with Magnus herself. To do so, she needs the help of Ash, Rafael, and even Vincent--and she's not sure who she can really trust.