My to-do list today was long and grim. It started out TAXES and ended funeral home, where I collected Mom's ashes. If you opt not to get a swanky, expensive urn, they give you ashes in a cardboard box with a label gummed to the lid. The box is surprisingly heavy--or surprisingly light, whichever way you want to look at it.
In addition to TAXES and funeral home, neither of which were any fun (those were Mom's taxes, too; I did mine months ago), I called and canceled Mom's credit card, stopped by the utilities office to put the account in my name instead of hers, and got a cashier's check at the credit union to pay the funeral home. I also got my oil changed and bought a couple of books, which was less miserable. Still, not a good day today.
After all that, I felt I could safely pitch my diet out the window for tonight. I went out and bought a big slab of raspberry dark chocolate, and flowers for the dining room table. I've kept fresh flowers on that table since we moved in last fall, but I would have bought flowers tonight anyway. And since that cardboard box, which I've shoved onto the mantel for the time being, looks so bare and sad, I bought some white ribbon to tie around it. And I bought a pair of underwear because A) they had stars on them and I will buy anything with stars and/or daisies printed on it, and B) when I'm depressed I buy chocolate, and when I'm really depressed I buy linens (because nothing makes me feel better like a new nightgown and fresh new sheets; although I often buy nightclothes just for the hell of it, so anyone keeping track out there wouldn't necessarily be able to tell if I'm sad or just wanting a new set of pajamas). Anyway, when I checked out I realized with some embarrassment that with the flowers, chocolate, ribbon, and underwear, I looked like I was gearing up for a night. I wonder if the clerk is still wondering what I plan to do with the grapefruit juice I also bought.
There are still a few things on my list I didn't get to, but I figure I did pretty well today. These things have to be done. They're not pleasant, but they're all part and parcel of being connected with other people.