My to-do list today was long and grim. It started out TAXES and ended funeral home, where I collected Mom's ashes. If you opt not to get a swanky, expensive urn, they give you ashes in a cardboard box with a label gummed to the lid. The box is surprisingly heavy--or surprisingly light, whichever way you want to look at it.
In addition to TAXES and funeral home, neither of which were any fun (those were Mom's taxes, too; I did mine months ago), I called and canceled Mom's credit card, stopped by the utilities office to put the account in my name instead of hers, and got a cashier's check at the credit union to pay the funeral home. I also got my oil changed and bought a couple of books, which was less miserable. Still, not a good day today.
After all that, I felt I could safely pitch my diet out the window for tonight. I went out and bought a big slab of raspberry dark chocolate, and flowers for the dining room table. I've kept fresh flowers on that table since we moved in last fall, but I would have bought flowers tonight anyway. And since that cardboard box, which I've shoved onto the mantel for the time being, looks so bare and sad, I bought some white ribbon to tie around it. And I bought a pair of underwear because A) they had stars on them and I will buy anything with stars and/or daisies printed on it, and B) when I'm depressed I buy chocolate, and when I'm really depressed I buy linens (because nothing makes me feel better like a new nightgown and fresh new sheets; although I often buy nightclothes just for the hell of it, so anyone keeping track out there wouldn't necessarily be able to tell if I'm sad or just wanting a new set of pajamas). Anyway, when I checked out I realized with some embarrassment that with the flowers, chocolate, ribbon, and underwear, I looked like I was gearing up for a night. I wonder if the clerk is still wondering what I plan to do with the grapefruit juice I also bought.
There are still a few things on my list I didn't get to, but I figure I did pretty well today. These things have to be done. They're not pleasant, but they're all part and parcel of being connected with other people.
4 comments:
Hi K.C What a hard day you had... I just wish I could find the right words to say something light and breezy to carry you along the path you are walking. I love the idea of putting the white ribbon around the box. It's 12 years since I lost my Dad and I planted a rose in my garden. So each year I look foward to seeing the flowers. Nature is a wonderful and is always ready to lift our hearts when words are never enough.
I hope you have a better day today.
I love the idea of planting a rose in memory. Last fall Mom wanted a gingko tree in the yard and was so pleased when I planted a good big one. Last month I was very happy to see it leaf out and turn green. I know it will remind me of her every year.
No one should have to diet on a day like that.
That's what I think. Unfortunately, that seems to be how I think every day considering how little weight I've lost.
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