In 1993...

I was digging around in my closet for something and found the 1993 Halloween issue of Reptiles of the Mind, the zine I published monthly for some four years. I flipped through it and wasn't really impressed--there's a reason I dumped all my copies of the zine years ago. But one thing caught my attention and I thought I'd share it here because it made me laugh.

Here it is, exactly as it appeared in the issue, stupid phonetic spellings and all.

Not Again!

Yeah, last weekend, dammit! I got into another wreck. [note to family members who skimmed the first paragraph: this happened in 1993, I am just fine, there is no wreck] This time, however, it wuz not my fault. It was rainy and slick out and some guy in a truck slid into the car stopped behind me at a red light, which subsequently bumped into my car. But amazingly enough there was not even a little bit of damage to my car. I had to hang around and wait for the cop to show up, though, since I was involved, and it took almost two hours. Then, when the cop did show, who would it be but my old buddy Miz Officer Massengill, the name you want to snigger at*, who was the main cop at my other wreck last spring. She remembered me too. I was very embarrassed.

[*note to young readers: there used to be a heavily advertised brand of douche called Massengill's.]

While we were waiting, however, I got to know the other people in this minor wreck rather well: Glen who is originally from New Orleans and who is married with 4 kids (two boys and twin girls); and Heather who is invited to parties only because the hosts know she'll dance all the time and keep other people dancing and who was on her way to church. In addition, Glen told us some very amusing wreck stories, one of which I will repeat here because I like it so much. I have no idea if it's true.

Somewhere in New Orleans, apparently, there's a road that goes under another road in a sort of tunnel, so there's a bar nearby called the Tunnel Inn. One day this guy ran a red light on that corner and smashed into another guy so hard that the other guy crashed right into the Tunnel Inn. Ha ha! When the car finally stopped against a pool table the bar was silent with horror and then this woman screamed "Oh my God, that's my husband! That's my husband!" It's sort of a two-pronged joke.