Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Foils raccoons and pesky humans

I woke up at five to a horribly inhuman snarling, growling, and whimpering practically right outside my window. Of course it was the neighbors.


My neighbors--the ones I loathe, and did I mention that Mom says the guy is on the Tennessee sex offender list?*--have a Havahart trap on their garbage cans to trap raccoons. I guess it's easier to trap a raccoon and relocate/kill it than it is to, oh, BUY A BUNGEE CORD to tie down the can lids.

I peeked out the bedroom window and had a good view of the trap, containing one big fat raccoon. Three big fat raccoons were trying to get their buddy out, to no avail. Finally they gave up, and when they had gone the trapped raccoon fell silent. So I tried to get back to sleep before my alarm went off at six.

And of course I couldn't sleep for worrying about the raccoon, and at 5:30 I got up, pulled on a jacket and my shoes, and went outside.

The raccoon was all huddled up in the rain. Now, I've opened a Havahart trap before--with a skunk in it, no less--but that was about 15 years ago. I couldn't remember how it worked now. But hey, I'm a human being, the supreme tool-user, with opposable thumbs and everything.

So after ten minutes I went back in and turned on the internet. Which FAILED ME. I finally found a list of manuals on the Havahart site and guessed at which trap my neighbors had (a really old, crappy one, apparently), and found out how to open it. With a really bad diagram. Apparently one wrenches up on the door and props it open with a stick. Not included.

It's November. All the sticks I could find broke when I looked at them. And it was raining harder, and my accursed neighbors seem to be awake now. So I failed to save the raccoon.

But I swear to gawd or dawg or whoever, I'm going to break their damn trap. I'm a clever human being, after all. And I know where I can get a set of boltcutters.

*all the guys I went to high school have "issues." It's probably why I'm still single.


Jamie Eyberg said...

Where I live now, we have more raccoons, deer, 'possums, rabbits, wild turkey, and skunks running around our little acreage. Believe it or not in seven years living here we have only seen one squirrel! Go figure.

Carrie Harris said...

Those boobies.

I'm sorry, that's all I've got to say.

K.C. Shaw said...

Jamie--maybe the turkeys and rabbits eat the squirrels. Be careful when you go outside!

Carrie--I totally agree! If the raccoon is still in the trap when I get home, I'm going to let him out even if the neighbors are standing right there. If I can find a stick.

Cate Gardner said...

Oh, how could your neighbours do that. The only wildlife we have around here is rats...

K.C. Shaw said...

Raccoons are really cool animals, too, as long as the garbage is securely bungeed down.

I will keep everyone posted on the Raccoon Saga.

Unknown said...

Where I live, trespassing and breaking your neighbor's property is a crime.
You can try to justify your lawless behavior by saying the one you've committed a crime against is a worse criminal than are you, but you....



K.C. Shaw said...

Oh, look, it took me almost six months to notice my first troll!

Dot, I know you must be aware of the internet because, well, you're here, but you don't seem to understand how win/fail works.

See, you fail because my humorous post about raccoons disturbed you so much you had to drive-by troll anonymously. Which I didn't even notice! The only reason I ever saw your reply at all is because I noticed this post gets steady traffic, and I was wondering if someone had posted and was checking up on it--and Dot, Dot, if I'm right and that's you checking up, then I just won all the internets!!

And I win twice because you have no fucking idea why I won, do you? MOCK!