Sunday, February 22, 2009

Blogging the Oscars

Watching the Oscars. Wall-E just won the Best Animated Feature Film, which should have gone to Kung Fu Panda. But Kung Fu Panda swept the Annies. So that's okay.

Anyway, Mom and I have decided they need to change the Oscars next year. Next year, they should hire an actual comedian to open the event. I nominate Steve Martin, who is always funny, except in the embarrassingly bad Pink Panther remakes.

Also, next year, they shouldn't let anyone give speeches. Women can go up, collect their statuette, and say, "Thank you." Then they turn around once so everyone can see their dresses, and that's it. Men aren't allowed to leave their seats because their clothes are boring or, if not boring, interestingly hideous. They'll get their statuettes sent to them backstage after the show.

If someone does start talking, instead of playing the music to drown them out, they should drag them offstage with a hook.


Jamie Eyberg said...

I don't even know who won what yet. I still have never watched an Acadamy award ceremony. I think I have an aversion to pomp and circumstance. Probably why I actually paid the university money to NOT go to my graduation.

K.C. Shaw said...

You aren't really missing anything. The speeches are rather painful sometimes. I do like making catty remarks to my mother about the dresses, which to me is the high point of the whole evening.

Aaron Polson said...

Good call on no speeches. Like I know who these people are, anyway.

"Thanks to Reginald Wickam, Smedly Bone, Onranku Farezee...I couldn't have done it without you!"

K.C. Shaw said...

Oh, I thought everyone knew Onranku!

One of the winners last night, who had an insecure grasp of English but an excellent sense of humor, finished up his acceptance speech with "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto."

Jeremy D Brooks said...

My wife watches it for the dresses, too...she turns the TV on 2.5 hours before it actually starts to watch all of the red carpet stuff. That part drives me crazy...I caught a brief part where some mustachioed correspondent was bashing a woman for her dress, really being kind of mean, and then when the woman comes into earshot he invites her over and tells her how good she looks and how happy he is to see her. I guess that's Hollywood in a nutshell.

I really didn't watch the red carpet part. I know, manly stuff. I was cutting wood with a high-powered saw pressing 500 beer that did not say "lite" on the label. I was most certainly not watching the red carpet.

(flexes muscles and scowls)

K.C. Shaw said...

And don't forget how you were undoubtedly thinking about football and NASCAR at the same time! Like, how maybe the two sports could be combined into one extravaganza.

Jeremy D Brooks said...

Yes, exactly: FootCAR!

I most certainly was not trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with Mathew Broderick's hair, nor did the words "dreamy", "catty", or "breastfeeding" enter my mind at any time.

K.C. Shaw said...

The word CATTY was on my mind the whole time in big, booming letters. Mostly from what Mom and I were saying. :)